Transformers Dark of the Moon: Or Why I Tried to Suffocate Myself on Popcorn: Part 2Posted: July 7, 2011
And now, the concluding part of why I loathed this film. Now, I’m far from a film snob, but this one really is bad. I’m sorry, I know the work and money put into this film was a lot, and I enjoyed the cameos (for the most part), but it just is. Anyway, read on…
Human’s being stupid. Not in the silly sense. Mostly for the “not very intelligent” sense. I mean, some evil robots come down and fight other robots that you’ve allied with, and instead of keeping them around no matter what, you give into the demands of the evil robots and agree to exile the good robots. The evil robots are evil. It’s like having a gun and a wet kipper to defend yourself against an attacker with a gun, and the attacker says he’ll kill you unless you drop the gun. What are you going to do? Drop the gun and be shot anyway, or use the gun to make it a fair fight? Though to be fair, Sentinel Prime was stupid as well. Actually trusting the decepticons to actually keep their word and thinking they would just step down when the new “Cybertron” is built. The clue is in the frick’n name!
Cheesy Script. Any part apart from action was usually filled with cringe-worthy and cheesy, like the part when Mr Witwicky saves his girlfriend at the end of the movie, they get back together and Bumblebee plays wedding music and spews out some washers to act as a wedding ring. Or the talk with his parents in the van.
The characters were all light entertainment. So many of the characters did jokes in this film. His parents (though they were a joke in the second one as well), Simmons (Turturro), Brazos (Malkovic), Dutch (Tudyk), Wang (Jeong), etc… I mean, I know comedy and tragedy go hand in hand, but this was like having two colours that contrast in a nice stylistic way, but instead of it being a nice navy blue (for example) it was more turquoise. Because of this, I really couldn’t get attached to any of the characters. If Wang’s (for example) part in the actual discovery in the original mission to the moon was shown, taken out his unconventional behaviour and had him interacting with Sam in a more realistic manner, I would’ve actually have felt at least the tiniest bit of sympathy when he dies. Or anything at all.
Still too little fanservice. I mean, it was nice. The sound of the transformers turning into robots/cars was a nice little nod to the cartoon – but it was very quiet. And Optimus Prime’s mouth shield pops down for a split second in the final fight between him and Sentinel Prime. Nice. But where’s the metal 80’s music from the cartoon? Where’s the logos in this one? (yes I understand that you needed a way to see who were the good guys and who were the bad guys, so you gave the bad guys evil red eyes, but where’s the love for the symbols?) The transformations should’ve been louder. More fan service (since this is designed to be a money spinner rather than an “art film”, give the audience what they actually want!). Seriously, something like this may have actually redeemed this film (well, at least be on the way to redeeming the franchise)…
Bill O’Reilly. Why? To say that it was “this world” we’re watching? You established that with the moon landing. This guy is a buffoon, and should not be on anything outside of the O’Reilly Factor on Fox. Besides, it gives a certain kind of politics to it. Yes, he is someone that would be against any aliens, but so would a lot of people. Why go to a crackpot? In the past, people have created their own crackpot characters rather than having guest play themselves in this kind of situation. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth!
For the last moment of the post, I think I’ll just leave you with Mark Kermode. Enjoy!